Gender Magick

Um. Well. It's suddenly dawned on me, that whatever I understood about the genderqueer community, I now suddenly don't. Yours has been the very first blog I've read since joinging tumblr. I read 30 pages in one sitting. I finished confused. Thinking I might be sick. Thinking I want to sprint down the road and back. Thinking I am embarrassed and feel a little ashamed for not educating myself sooner and more fully about the world around me and the walks of people that exist within it. Thank you.

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 14:07:02 -0500

Woah, I deeply appreciate your honesty! Thanks for sharing your reaction. I’m so glad reading my thoughts has helped you see things.

Don't you think tights are sexy?

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 13:59:35 -0500

I most certainly do! :D For all genders

I came out to my mother as a transman while visiting her. She was not at all happy. She cried all night, and the following morning, decided I was depressed, down the "wrong path", and that I was somehow also codependent, because my dad wasn't really involved in my life. She is forcing me to move away from my gf and making me go to therapy. She also says if I transition, she and I will not be close anymore. Do you think she'll adjust to it, or shouldn't I try at all?

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 13:58:00 -0500

Sorry it took me a while to respond to this!

I feel for your situation. My parents definitely were very upset when I informed them I was taking hormones. They weren’t quite as upset when I told them I was transgender, which was earlier. It seemed like when I told them I was trans, they were more sad and scared on my behalf, and when I told them I was on hormones they were outright angry and did lash out a little bit, though they quickly recovered.

I think that anger sounds like an initial reaction. The way I dealt with it was to essentially choose to be on hormones when I moved across the country to attend a graduate program. I naturally did not have as much contact with my parents. This made it a bit easier for me to do what I needed to do to figure out my identity (which I’m still trying to “figure out”.. ha)

My feelings are that you should do whatever you can to affirm your identity, but it seems like your mom has expressed that she wants to deny that information. So it seems logical to not attempt to share much with her until she reforms her behavior. Are you very close? If so, your not confiding in her will have a noticeably effect for her. Also, I recommend sending her some information on being transgender. There is one great book called “The Transgender Child” which is excellent and very well written (written by mental health professionals who work with trans youth), and another one called “Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not” which is a quick read and laid out in a straightforward manner, where each chapter is sort of a response to a question.

If you give materials like this to your mom, she might say that she won’t read them or doesn’t care. But if you put them in her house, her curiosity will get the best of her and she probably will read them eventually.

Best of luck to you. I’m sorry for what you are going through! Again, her response really does sound like the initial denial response, which will pass, though the time varies by individual (see the Kubler-Ross stages of grief)

Gender(queer)magick

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 02:19:07 -0500

The “Q” in LGBTQ can refer to either “Queer” or “Questioning”, both of which definitely describe me. (Actually every letter in LGBTQ describes a different facet of me, because I’m also gay, lesbian, and bisexual, depending on external factors) It is important for me to affirm that I don’t think this questioning will ever end. I don’t think it’s a phase, and I don’t think it’s pathological, and I don’t think it’s tragic. Instead of treating the “questioning” as suffering, as something that has to be “answered”, I would like to begin to treat it like a hymn to the universe that I will always be striving to find new ways to sing. I am genderqueer, through and through, and I want to start treating that as a Real Thing, instead of just something that I feel inside but silently doubt the authenticity of because it doesn’t correspond to a social role in my culture. In many ways it is a problem of language. I think I have felt like explaining myself as transgender “FTM” to many people is just a simpler explanation than explaining genderqueer or non-gendered. I consider myself transgender on a spiritual and energetic level, but figuring out how this energy translates to the physical realm is where things get tricky. As I’ve expressed many times here and elsewhere, I don’t relate to the dominant narrative in many ways. I suppose many of us don’t, maybe even most of us. I always think of what Richard Dawkins says about bunnies in one of his books on evolution. There is no ideal bunny. Flesh-and-blood individuals are all that will ever exist, and no two are the same. There also are no distinct boundaries dividing species. The differences between two individuals of the same species lead to differentiation and eventually speciation, but on the quotidian, organic flux of “Creature time” (as distinct from geological time) all currently-alive individuals of a species embody a spectrum for which any platonic ideal is purely an abstraction. We, too, all deviate in relation to some imagined center. In fact, this queerness, this deviation, is what drives novelty, innovation, and indeed, evolution itself. To me, the earth is queer, and we are made in the image of the Queer Earth. You can call it whatever the fuck you want, but that’s what I call it.

The universe has been sending me this message for a long time, yet lately I’ve ignored it: My androgyny is a gift, one that I must never try to “cure” myself from. I want to do the difficult work of affirming who I am to the world. And who I am is not encompassed by the word “male”. Masculinity is intrinsic to who I am, but yet I embody a fluidity and a queerness that is holy to me, and I do not want to abdicate it… nor do I want to hide it from the world. I’ve come to understand that this queer essence has magical, healing properties, it is a form of mana. Others can take part in it. In fact, it is for others just as much as it is for myself. It helps incarnate a primal sort of trickery into the world. I can’t patch this. It’s a vital source of mystery, and I can’t de-mystify it. Ultimately it belongs to the earth.

Wizards and mages will tell you that when you know the true name of something, you can truly serve it, and in return for your service, it will benefit you. It will be your ally. This is the principle behind shamanic consciousness, and also science.

I’ve known my true name for a long time, and I just remembered it again.

Earthling.

That name has power, and I intend to begin to use it, but it will involve pushing beyond what I know.

I don’t know if I’ve really changed much since the...

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 13:08:00 -0500

I don’t know if I’ve really changed much since the last photo was posted of me (a few months ago?) My T dose is currently .75 mL of 200 mg/mL (just raised a couple weeks ago)

Tomboy Tailors opens up the first genderqueer menswear shop in the country

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 13:04:17 -0500

Tomboy Tailors opens up the first genderqueer menswear shop in the country:

To think, a place in the REAL NON CYBERSPACE world for us-folk to buy fancy clothes. Now I know where I’ll be visiting if I go to San Francisco this year!

The Word Made Cybernetic

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 15:41:00 -0500

The Word Made Cybernetic:

In the meantime, I have actually posted a couple of essays on my other blog over the past couple months, which has a less personal focus (I also re-named it from “That Green Stuff” to “Green Hermeneutics”!)

This is an essay sort of in a literary/critical vein, comparing the figure of the cyborg in modern sci-fi to the figure of the ascetic saint or holy man in late ancient hagiography. Two of my favorite things.

This overlaps with the discourse of this blog because lately my interests have become focused around the notion that there is a connection between (human) sanctity and deviance (even queerness) in Christian representations of holy people. Bringing the queer theory into late ancient studies — not totally unprecedented, since cultural studies has already been gaining a firm foothold there. (I study Late Ancient and Medieval Mediterranean History for those new to this blog, welcome)

Here’s an excerpt:

As one of my professors succinctly put it, representations of saints reflect anxieties and desires related to what it means to be human—their representation in literature, iconography, or oral tradition, are means to track these concerns. What are the limits of human freedom? What are we capable of? How do we remain after we die? (Not to mention all the ethical shenanigans)… moreover, there is often, in my view, something mutant, deviant, abject, about the holy men and women that win sainthood. In many ways the entire discourse of human sanctity anticipates contemporary transhumanist thought. In fact, it makes better sense to say that transhumanist thought and cyberpunk literature is merely the latest iteration of existential anxiety surrounding questions of the nature of the consciousness, death, mind/body dualism, and essential continuity of anything that could be identified as the self.

Hey Guys!

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 15:34:59 -0500

Hey all, just wanted to let you know I’m alive and well, still in Los Angeles! I’m on my winter break now, but this past semester kicked my ass. I had no choice but to take a break from this blog just so I could keep things together. Masters degrees are so short that it’s easy to feel like you have to sacrifice everything aside from school in order to make the most of the degree…I feel like I’ve even been sacrificing putting time and thought into “transition”, but the New Year has brought a lot of clarity and rejuvination… as the winter solstice is wont to do! Anyways, thank you for any questions and comments I’ve gotten on my inbox here, I’ll be checking them and responding to you in the next couple of weeks before I go back for the last semester. :) Hopefully I’ll do a better job of keeping up this blog for this next chapter.

Ancient and Modern Technologies of Globalization and Identity Formation

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 15:09:00 -0400

Ancient and Modern Technologies of Globalization and Identity Formation:

Proceeding from Wikipedia’s current definition of globalization, which is “processes of international integration arising from increasing human activity and interchange of worldviews, products, ideas, and other aspects of culture.”

In this blog post (on my other blog) I explore processes of social change and shifts in notions of identity that take place during globalizations or instances of cosmopolitanism, which aren’t as new as we think they are.

I finally bought some of those sweet men’s running tights...

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 20:04:00 -0400

I finally bought some of those sweet men’s running tights that I’ve secretly coveted for years.

I see so many guys bouldering at the gym in in slim straight jeans or skinny jeans, like rolled halfway up the calf. I don’t understand this… doesn’t it get sweaty in there? It would kinda make sense in the Northeast, but here?! I have some theories… one, that they don’t want to show their legs, two, fashion, three, protection/to keep things in place. But doesn’t it seriously restrict your range of motion? I’m sewconfused. I wear like the ugliest clothes ever when I go climbing, lol.

And now I’ll probably be the only person climbing in spandex, hahaha.

Woah, these are powerful. daedazer: “Half-Drag” portraits...

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 02:35:38 -0400

Woah, these are powerful.

daedazer:

“Half-Drag” portraits by Leland Bobbé

work it

so much awesomeness. thank you for sharing yourselves!...

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 00:24:02 -0400

so much awesomeness. thank you for sharing yourselves! :)

fuckyeahftms:

This is my boyfriend and I at our prom. He’s the one in the purple and I’m the one with the cool hair. We’re both pre-everything, though only I will be transitioning as of right now. He’s genderfluid and I’m genderqueer, but I identify as male. Sometimes we’re gay men, sometimes we’re lesbians, sometimes we don’t really know what we are. We are here, we are queer, and that’s okay! We’ve been together for almost a year now and, even though he’s lactose intolerant, he’s the cheese to my macaroni, the whip cream to my hot chocolate, and the ice cream to my apple pie. He means everything to me, and I’m so thankful to have him in my life.

awesome commentary below. they pretty much covered everything...

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 02:17:01 -0400

awesome commentary below. they pretty much covered everything that’s wrong with the views that these infographics represent!

mamamantis:

gcvsa:

tranqualizer:

keepingitconceptual:

bitsenbobby:

alithea:

canisfamiliaris:

Is Junk Food Really Cheaper?

The answer is NO.

The “fact” that junk food is cheaper than real food has become a reflexive part of how we explain why so many Americans are overweight, particularly those with lower incomes. I frequently read confident statements like, “when a bag of chips is cheaper than a head of broccoli …” or “it’s more affordable to feed a family of four at McDonald’s than to cook a healthy meal for them at home.”

(via sunfoundation)

this bullshit fills me with a very specific kind of rage. so, TIME TO DEBUNK!

that meal from mcdonalds takes virtually no time to acquire AND is available almost anywhere.

the second meal? that “salad” is lettuce … with nothing else, not even dressing unless its just olive oil or some milk i guess? gross.

also thats the price of each serving, not an entire loaf of bread, a bottle of olive oil, etc. that stuff adds up which means you have to have a lot of money at one time to buy it all.

that meal probably took an hour and a half to make, which is a long fucking time when you work multiple jobs or are caring for a lot of people or dont have help! seriously, if you are a single parent of three who works, is spending an hour and a half every night preparing a meal a likely option?

same with beans and rice! also, you know whats a fucking bummer? eating beans and rice every night because you are poor. ask any person who has done it and they will tell you (you can start with me).

there is a “nutrition” argument here that lacks a follow up: poor people are more likely to be doing physical labor and need more than 571 calories per meal.

you know who is less likely to know how to bake or prepare a chicken? people without access to the internet, or libraries, or who werent taught how to by their parents because their parents worked all the time. access to healthy foods is a classist issue and classism is cyclical, you fucking morons.

seriously, these sorts of infographics make me want to fucking flip tables. do you know why people don’t eat more fresh fruits and vegetables? because fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive, because they take a long time to prepare, because they dont live near a grocery store that has a decent produce section, because they dont have reliable transportation to get groceries to and from the grocery store, because they dont have the energy to plan all of the shit that is involved in making healthy, intentional, filling, balanced meals. basically: poor people get fucked, and then we get BLAMED for being lazy.

eating “healthy”, aka access to fresh fruits and vegetables, is a privilege, first, foremost, always. so fuck you new york times and your ignorant goddamn infographic.

there are SYSTEMATIC REASONS that we do not have equal access to fresh fruits and vegetables. they are very REAL problems. besides, you know, systematic poverty in america, the total mis-distribution of farm subsidies is a perfect place to start. read about that, then either get bent or start working on the actual problem.

YES YES YES YES YES

I am so fucking tired of seeing these misleading as fuck infographics about how “healthy eating is cheap!” No. No it is fucking not.

AND where the FUCK are you getting your food that salt and pepper are 5 cents?!??! or bacon for $1.85? or a CUP of oil for 55 cents? FOUR pieces of bread for 75 cents? 3 cups for rice for 50 cents?

this stuff just doesn’t make sense, is extremely shaming, and is extremely misleading.

Making homemade food affordable and healthy is very important to me, but let’s just point out a few things.

1. If you have very little money, you will *not* be eating Big Macs. You will be ordering off of the dollar menu. Off the dollar menu, that $28 is going to buy me two cheeseburgers, a fries, and a Coke for a family of SEVEN.

OK, six, really, because tax, and the double cheeseburgers are actually $1.19 now, but still. The point remains that I just bought 12 double cheeseburgers, 6 small fries, and 6ea. 16 oz. “small” sodas for about $26 plus tax. Trust me, I’ve actually done this…many times. Hell yes, I’ve dug under the seats of my car for that last nickel to get a $1 double cheeseburger when I had nothing else. Oh, wait, we were serving only four people? OK, so now we’re down to only $18 plus tax. Plus, I get free salt, pepper, ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce, straws, napkins.

Now remember, each person in the family got TWO double cheeseburgers (that’s four small meat patties, four slices of cheese, and four slices of “bread” (sic), with onions, pickles, ketchup, and mustard, a side of french fries (or *two* apple pies), and two cups (16 oz.) of Coke, because I asked for no ice. No one is going hungry here, and as things go, there are a whole lot of much more unhealthy things they *could* have eaten, instead.

2. And I don’t have to clean up. No soap, no hot water, no dishwasher, no sponges, no dishes, no nothing involved that would be necessary to serve the equivalent at home. You forgot to add the prices of all those things. All the remains get binned.

3. Which means I didn’t have to pay for gas or electricity for my stove to cook this stuff, I didn’t have to pay for power to run the refrigerator, I didn’t have to go shopping for it, I didn’t have to cook it…the list goes on. I think you’re getting the point. And you forgot to add all the prices of those things into the cost of your homemade meal.

4. Do you actually know how much a chicken costs? Let’s say $1.69/lb, which is pretty average in my area for a factory-farmed chicken. Now, the chickens you find out there rarely exceed about 7 lbs, which will be called a “roaster”. Anything you see above that is kind of freakish and is probably going to taste like it grew in a vat, not in a battery cage, but you get my drift. In any case, that’s the size chicken I’m going to need to feed a family of six, and that 7 lb bird is going to cost me…$11.83, not $5.96, as the illustration shows. OK, so the chicken you picked is for four people, so I guess I can get a 4.5 lb bird, instead, for $7.60. Wait, that’s still more money than $5.96. Oh, and can we spice it up with something besides salt and pepper, and *maybe* a squeeze of lemon? That’s pretty boring. For Goddess’ sake, pick up a box of Bell’s Poultry Seasoning, and a head of garlic!

5. That salad? Does it contain anything other than lettuce? I guess I have to make a vinaigrette out of oil, lemon, salt, and pepper, too? Good thing for you, I know how to cook. It’s still going to be a pretty boring salad…but whatevs, I’ll let you slide on that one.

6. One quart of milk? That’s half the volume of drinks I got at Micky D’s, hon. Better make it two quarts. Wait, scratch that, I’m Asian, and my family is lactose intolerant. Try again.

OK, I think you’re starting to get the picture. There’s more to food security, cooking, health, nutrition, food access, and money than meets the eye. I forgive you. After all, I’ve got actual experience at doing all of these things, so I have a visceral understanding of all the processes involved. Maybe now you have a little bit more insight into it, as well.

seriously fuck this misleading bullshit

Queen Elizabeth II Appoints Britain's First Out Transgender Person As "Member of the British Empire

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 01:35:51 -0400

Queen Elizabeth II Appoints Britain's First Out Transgender Person As "Member of the British Empire:

oh word. We get to play in the Queen’s court! XD

bencrowther:

In a year where Elizabeth II is making history, she has done it again by appointing Britain’s first Transgender person, Ms. April Ashley, as Member of the British Empire (MBE). This is the first time a Transgender person has made the Queen’s ‘honor’s list’. Ms. Ashley is 77 years old has been a well known figure throughout the British Isles.

According to the DailyMail.com, her life started out as a seaman but she states that she knew from the age of three that ‘something was different’. As a young student, April was beaten repeatedly. As soon as she could she left for London and assumed the role of a woman. She moved to Paris in 1955 and worked as a hostess at “Le Carousel” that was frequented by Ernest Hemmingway, Jean Paul Sartre and even Bob Hope.

Finally with enough money she had the surgery in 1960 that enable her to be complete and happy.

Returning to London, in the closet about her surgery, she became a top model and appeared in “Vogue”. In 1963, she married Arthur Corbett who was the son of Lord Rowallan and became apart of British society. She was ‘outed’ by a supposed friend and her world came crashing down around her.

She fought her way back into society and became a crusader for the Gender Recognition Act that would legally recognize the rights of Transgender people. It passed in 2004 and in 2005 she obtained a new birth certificate. And this weekend, Ms. April Ashley continues to make history.

Healed tat and a red heat light in the new bathroom. sexy, lol.

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 18:18:23 -0400

Healed tat and a red heat light in the new bathroom. sexy, lol.

Teva made something that I like. These sandals are simple. I...

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 00:18:20 -0400

Teva made something that I like.

These sandals are simple. I needed sandals. So now they are on my caprine little feet.

Also, my legs, in rare appearance.

My moobs and Me

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 12:55:38 -0400

My moobs and Me:

I highly recommend this article. Thoughtful and wonderful.

fuckyeahmenfolk:

A man’s struggle with gynecomastia. Well-written and thoughtful.

(Thanks sevenofcups!)

Is Anatomy Destiny? TEDx talk by historian of anatomy and intersex activist Alice Dreger

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 00:56:00 -0400

Is Anatomy Destiny? TEDx talk by historian of anatomy and intersex activist Alice Dreger:

It is so awesome that an intersex activist is speaking at this level, on this type of platform. Dreger is an historian of anatomy and patient advocate… and here she very concisely deals with some very important questions that are intrinsic to transgender and interex studies, critical race theory, and activism, and she’s friggin’ slick about it — it’s soo accessible.  She illustrates what happens when bodies violate the cultural norms of anatomy, discussing the coverage of the Castor Semenya case (coverage of that was SO PROBLEMATIC AMG), when the African runner:

  ”had her sex called into question at the international games in Berlin. I had a lot of journalists calling me, asking me, “Which is the test that they are going to run that will tell us whether or not Castor Semenya is male or female?” And I had to explain to the journalists, “there isn’t such a test”. In fact, we now know that sex is complicated enough that we have to admit… nature doesn’t draw the line for us between male and female, or between male and intersex, and female and interest. We actually draw that line on nature.”

  Yeah, wow. This historian knows what time it is. Fuck yeah.

Yesterday was unbelievable in the UEFA. But the elation me and...

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 18:06:57 -0400

Yesterday was unbelievable in the UEFA. But the elation me and my Greek friends and family felt was rather bittersweet. Greece will play Germany in the quarterfinals, in one of the most politically emblematic games of the century, in my opinion. Simply put, this is because Germany is a global banking superpower, and along with the other superpowers does not want to see Greece exit the Eurozone. Of course, they do not care about Greece nor the Greek people, but they care about maintaining the “orthodox” creed — the religion — of the Euro. They know that consensus breeds reality and so they police it.

I wondered if the Greek win yesterday would effect the election today. Maybe it would make more people come out to vote, and this bodes well for Syriza since support for them has skyrocketed over the last few months, so you have to imagine there’s a lot of latent support out there. The results today were neck in neck between Syriza (radical leftist) and the leading conservative party. Syriza has a young and energetic leader, and had previously advocated for withdrawal from the eurozone but then adjusted to a more moderate position. They still did not support the bailouts, but the conservatives do. Unfortunately I just got word that the conservatives won… so the banksters will continue to rule. What a fucking surprise! Also ironic that the name of their party is “New Democracy”. They might as well just call themselves the Neo Liberals!!!

This is a great loss for the green left, eurocommunists, feminists, and LGBTQ rights activists, to mention just a few.

But it’s not the end of the story. You cannot try to contain a flood like this. Greece is just being framed as the lynchpin for the global economy, but really the lynchpin could be any number of places. It is no place, because geography hardly exists anymore in the world of global finance. It is wherever the banksters want it to be. But mass forces will always win in the end. They want to take Greece down with them and I hope that they will pay for this some day. I really, really do.

I want to have gay sex with this auto.

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 17:11:27 -0400

I want to have gay sex with this auto.